Well thank you May for 2 full moons and lots of sweat without having to exercise!
I have recently been reflecting on the need for family, friendship and community. This came about because, having touched the edges of burnout a couple of times through my 4 years of counselling training (when the workload alongside actual work has felt overwhelming), I recently read a post that said ‘there are 2 types of tiredness- tired from a lack of sleep and tired from a lack of peace’
This really struck a cord. I do a lot of the right things to avoid burnout, eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising and especially having a morning breathe and brew practice, where I check in with myself daily and provide space to acknowledge if things change in my body, behaviour, breath, thoughts, sense of being.
But reflecting back, I think I could say that there has been a ‘lack of peace’ during this training process. I have loved every minute of it and have been changed forever because of it but there has been a relentless feeling of chasing my tail with assignments and journals on top of the emotional exhaustion of revealing more bits of myself to myself constantly.
So what did I not prioritise that would have helped me find more peace and space in my addled brain? Obviously the answer is… other people.
I got the foundations right, rule 101, I checked in with myself daily. But I prioritised mental efforts over interaction and interconnectedness. I didn’t become a hermit and I met a whole new crew of wonderful people on the course, but my ‘ride or die’ old friends and immediate family definitely took the hit.
Friendship is a deeply personal thing. It can span as long as a lifetime and is a one-to-one bond, built on affection. Good friends just know you, they laugh with your laughs and cry with your tears. They love you whatever, with all your quirks and strange ways. They are your people, the ones that have chosen you as equally as you have chosen them. We all know there is nothing more sustaining for the heart and soul than a day spent with a dear friend.
Then there is family. Last month I spent a beautiful few days with my mum and brother and I was reminded of what belonging truly feels like. It was like a bridge back to who I once was, reflecting back the parts of me that have got lost or sidelined along the way. I loved the familiar patterns that exist between us, co-created since birth and spending time with them brought out the me that takes life a little less seriously and is a little more playful, especially as we didn’t cross the 5-day rule (when I slip into the petulant child version of myself!)
I am also fortunate to belong to a wonderful community of women and we share time together every month. I was invited to join by a very dear friend but everyone else in the group was unknown to me. I often reflect on what this group offers me that is different to friendship. It is like a blanket made of connective wool. We all live locally, have met in the here and now with no history attached and share a focus in the work we all do. But our stories, skills, personalities, likes and dislikes are very diverse. Friendships are cultivated in the group, but the purpose of it is to champion, listen and witness each other as a collective.
When I reflected on the ‘tired from lack of peace’, it didn’t take me long to recognise my need for others and how that is what I have neglected. For when I connect with something outside of myself, especially those people I have chosen to be with, just the presence of them helps take me out of my head and into the space between us. I realise for me, it is relational depth that rebalances the mental weight of modern life, the being to my doing, the antidote to the tiredness from lack of peace. And for me, the ‘other’ doesn’t have to be human, for the natural world provides many sentient beings to be in relationship with, including Tea :)
As the sun shines and the days reach their longest, we wish you a wonderful June and look forward to speaking to you again in July.